thousands are sailing
the same self the only self

self willed the peril of a thousand fates

a line of infinite ends finite finishing
the one remains oblique and pure

arching to the single point of
consciousness

find yourself
starting back
-

where are
   where are monsters in dreams
                        in dreams



2009-06-07 - Booted up (1511)
2009-06-06 - no sleep for the wicked x 3! (1510)
2009-06-04 - crushed (1509)
2009-05-02 - this little box is hard to fill (1508)
2008-03-03 - A lot of old feelings (1507)
2007-12-12 - Always surprised (1506)
2007-11-15 - Splashdown (1505)
2007-05-15 - Time goes too fast (1504)
2007-03-03 - It's march now (1503)
2007-02-21 - Just shameful (1502)
2007-02-05 - I bought my ticket just now (1501)
2006-12-24 - A lot of seconds (1500)
2006-12-14 - 1500 - 1
2006-12-13 - Friendship (1498)
2006-12-07 - Replacement boyfriend: Just add tears (1497)
2006-12-03 - High school (1496)
2006-12-03 - i need to sleep always kills me (1495)
2006-11-27 - I don't want to bother you (1494)
2006-11-26 - I'll lay down a tarp first (1493)
2006-11-22 - Divergence (1492)
2006-11-17 - who does that! (1491)
2006-11-10 - too many entries with "fucking" in them (1490)
2006-11-06 - Sunlight required (1489)
2006-11-01 - Clearly has too many feelings (1488)
2006-11-01 - Love you (1487)
2006-10-27 - Around, mostly (1486)
2006-10-24 - To a lot of people (1485)
2006-10-20 - Tired, but good, you know? (1484)
2006-10-14 - Six years (1483)
2006-10-13 - No appropriate title? (1482)
2006-10-10 - With a y in her name (1481)
2006-10-09 - Good times, good times (1480)
2006-10-07 - Unwholesome attraction (1479)
2006-10-04 - Alcohol and drugs (1478)
2006-10-01 - It's go-time (1477)
2006-09-27 - Maybe it's the tequila talking... (1476)
2006-09-25 - Continuity, again (1475)
2006-09-24 - I need to clean this place up (1474)
2006-09-23 - in a heartbeat (1473)
2006-09-20 - Autismal roots (1472)
2006-09-16 - fireballs! (1471)
2006-09-12 - phoo said the photo (1470)
2006-09-11 - 9/11 x 5 (1469)
2006-09-07 - Some changes around here... (1468)
2006-09-05 - Not Em, this time (1467)
2006-08-30 - Personal frustration (1466)
2006-08-28 - Elsewhere (1465)
2006-08-26 - This could go either way, really (1464)
2006-08-22 - Curse your inevitable betrayal (1463)
2006-08-21 - Starting tomorrow.... (1462)
2006-08-19 - i'm a huge failure (1461)
2006-08-18 - Momentary uncertainty (1460)
2006-08-18 - Up to no good (1459)
2006-08-17 - Words elsewhere (1458)
2006-08-11 - Cusp (1457)
2006-08-08 - One year later, same topic (1456)
2006-08-06 - There's always someone else (1455)
2006-08-06 - It's been nearly a year (1454)
2006-08-05 - farewell ungrateful traitor (1453)
2006-08-02 - Limitations (1452)
2006-08-01 - Course: uncertain (1451)
2006-07-27 - Tastes so sweet (1450)
2006-07-24 - Irresistable (1449)
2006-07-23 - Informative, it's not (1448)
2006-07-21 - Thank you for everything (1447)
2006-07-20 - Disguised intentions (1446)
2006-07-19 - Small, sweet failings (1445)
2006-07-18 - sordid, sordid (1444)
2006-07-16 - I love her, but I can do this (1443)
2006-07-15 - Fantasies (1442)
2006-07-13 - What day is it tomorrow? (1441)
2006-07-12 - Confidence (1440)
2006-07-11 - Kraken (1439)
2006-07-10 - Life goes on (1438)
2006-07-09 - Two weeks have passed (1437)
2006-07-09 - Mental battles (1436)
2006-07-07 - Horrifying revelation (1435)
2006-07-06 - Echoed limerence (1434)
2006-07-05 - It must be spring (1433)
2006-07-04 - Complications (1432)
2006-07-03 - Petulant (1431)
2006-07-02 - Endorphinium (1430)
2006-07-02 - 1429 (Clarity)
2006-07-01 - Quixtar (1428)
2006-06-30 - Erratic memories (1427)
2006-06-30 - pain (1426)
2006-06-28 - Chimeric dreams (1425)
2006-06-28 - Illusory progress! (1424)
2006-06-27 - They trickle away (1423)
2006-06-25 - Headrush (1422)
2006-06-24 - Planche (1421)
2006-06-23 - Cult-like (1420)
2006-06-22 - Mud waves (1419)
2006-06-21 - Stay and cuddle me (1418)
2006-06-21 - Meow, she said as I smiled (1417)
2006-06-19 - I will succeed (1416)
2006-06-17 - Echo in so much space (1415)
2006-06-16 - Light/dark (1414)
2006-06-14 - Keep your wits about you (1413)
2006-06-13 - You know I love you so (1412)
2006-06-12 - Loved beauty (1411)
2006-06-11 - ruptions (1410)
2006-06-10 - Diaryland banners make me angry (1409)
2006-06-09 - One day off (1408)
2006-06-08 - The Closet (1407)
2006-06-07 - Dreading work again (1406)
2006-06-06 - There'll be changes (1405)
2006-06-05 - Email anxiety (1404)
2006-06-05 - Please say you need me (1403)
2006-06-04 - Not going to happen (1402)
2006-06-03 - It's quiet tonight (1401)
2006-06-02 - Learning process (1400)
2006-06-01 - I'm learning (1399)
2006-05-31 - You know how I feel (1398)
2006-05-31 - This strange effect on me (1397)
2006-05-31 - Maintaining Dignity (1369)
2006-05-30 - Cycles in life (1395)
2006-05-30 - Change of plans (1394)
2006-05-30 - Humidity dulls eloquence (1393)
2006-05-29 - My fan fucking lied to me (1392)
2006-05-27 - Moments in time and space
2006-05-27 - This entry seems to be broken 1390
2006-05-27 - I like where this is going (1389)
2006-05-26 - explosive force (1388)
2006-05-25 - She was in Grade 11, for starters (1387)
2006-05-24 - Thinking alike (1386)
2006-05-24 - she won't miss me (1385)
2006-05-24 - unending bleakness (1384)
2006-05-23 - On my Own (1383)
2006-05-22 - And a big thank you (1382)
2006-05-22 - bed time now to rest that brain (1381)
2006-05-21 - homework in a sense (1380)
2006-05-21 - Foxes (1379)
2006-05-21 - I miss her more than sunshine (1378)
2006-05-21 - ***+++ Resolutions and endings (1377)
2006-05-20 - Contrition (1376)
2006-05-20 - learning experience (1375)
2006-05-20 - Even keel (1374)
2006-05-19 - 1373 - break up break down
2006-05-19 - (shame) 1372
2006-05-19 - i don't how this happened (1371)
2006-05-19 - I know better now (1370)
2006-05-13 - Event Horizon 1369
2006-05-11 - Missing you already. (1368)
2006-05-10 - limping to the end (1367)
2006-05-09 - THERAPY, YAY! (1366)
2006-05-08 - like clotted coffee grounds (1365)
2006-05-07 - tossing andf turning (1364)
2006-05-07 - sometimes I repeat things (1363)
2006-05-06 - Accelerants (1362)
2006-05-05 - smelling lithium (1361)
2006-05-05 - slope implosion (1360)
2006-05-04 - mouth love (1359)
2006-05-03 - It's time to leave (1358)
2006-05-01 - one-three-five-seven (1357)
2006-05-01 - gasping failure (1356)
2006-04-30 - Glibness (1355)
2006-04-28 - Who's your daddy? (1354)
2006-04-26 - UNSETTLED (1353)
2006-04-25 - bleary mundane
2006-04-24 - desucofnu (1351)
2006-04-21 - (1350)
2006-04-18 - These things just happen (1349)
2006-04-17 - jangled perceptions (1348)
2006-04-16 - Spring dawning 2006 (1347)
2006-04-15 - Missing her (1346)
2006-04-13 - EMILEMILLIE (1345)
2006-04-13 - Don't choke don't choke (1344)
2006-04-12 - oh damn it (1343)
2006-04-11 - Achingly close (1342)
2006-04-10 - heart clench (1341)
2006-04-09 - Cool breeze brushing warmth (1340)
2006-04-08 - A short play (1339)
2006-04-07 - Perforated sphere (1338)
2006-04-05 - Appropriately 1337 (1337)
2006-04-04 - Do you ever see me twitch? (1336)
2006-04-03 - Anti-psychotic (1335)
2006-04-03 - I like where this diary is going (1334)
2006-04-02 - Unutterable fourth (1333)
2006-03-31 - Illicit. (1332)
2006-03-29 - Division (1331)
2006-03-29 - Clarity (1330)
2006-03-29 - Ridiculous (1329)
2006-03-28 - Betrayer of Ideals (1328)
2006-03-26 - Vicsitude (1327)
2006-03-25 - Queen of Blades (1326)
2006-03-24 - scritching (1325)
2006-03-22 - Unappreciated vices (1324)
2006-03-21 - And they said e-gold was dumb (1323)
2006-03-20 - vvvortexxx (1322)
2006-03-19 - program glitches (1321)
2006-03-18 - fragmented history (1320)
2006-03-16 - It's late, says the parking ticket (1319)
2006-03-15 - anytime (1318)
2006-03-14 - heart-wrenching (1317)
2006-03-14 - appropriate (1316)
2006-03-11 - I need you so much closer (1315)
2006-03-11 - Stranger ideas (1314)
2006-03-06 - End times (1313)
2006-03-05 - Dying, dreaming (1312)
2006-03-03 - 10:59pm (1311)
2006-03-02 - Well put, theOnion (1310)
2006-03-02 - I'm nervous (1309)
2006-03-02 - this layout has to change (1308)
2006-02-27 - Where bones are glass (1307)
2006-02-26 - This is not what I had in mind (1306)
2006-02-23 - hmph (1305)
2006-02-21 - Homeland Security (1304)
2006-02-19 - Heartbreak (1303)
2006-02-17 - And I'm worse than I seem #2 (1302)
2006-02-11 - special (1301)
2006-02-08 - Conflict of Interest (1300)
2006-02-04 - This diary is about Kat (1299)
2006-02-03 - my only sunshine (1298)
2006-02-03 - Philosophy vs psychology (1297)
2006-02-01 - Vortex (1296)
2006-01-31 - This is just a moment in time (1295)
2006-01-29 - Wicked.
2006-01-27 - tick (1293)
2006-01-27 - Chronological desire (1292)
2006-01-25 - And long one out to left field! (1291)
2006-01-23 - This diary started too late (1290)
2006-01-22 - At least my blood is good? (1289)
2006-01-20 - revised (1288)
2006-01-19 - All right, enough stalling (1287)
2006-01-17 - Uh, hmm, well then. (1286)
2006-01-16 - A new entry!1!``!
2006-01-05 - The end is near (1284)
2005-12-23 - An undescribable sadness (1283)
2005-12-04 - Christmas tree lights (1282)
2005-11-30 - Stubborn (1281)
2005-11-23 - (1280)
2005-11-15 - (1279)
2005-11-12 - New plan (1278)
2005-11-07 - (1277)
2005-11-07 - Sadness (1276)
2005-11-04 - Answer (1275)
2005-11-03 - Bland (1274)
2005-10-26 - Pattern recognition (1273)
2005-10-11 - Thanksgiving (1272)
2005-10-09 - Whipped cream and chains (1271)
2005-10-07 - We shall turn this land to ash! (1270)
2005-10-06 - Unseasonably warm (1269)
2005-09-29 - (1268)
2005-09-24 - Purpose (1267)
2005-09-22 - Let's hope it was just a dream (1266)
2005-09-18 - Journey from nowhere in particular (1265)
2005-09-15 - The elaboration is unnecessary (1264)
2005-09-12 - Yearning (1263)
2005-09-10 - Status update (1262)
2005-09-08 - Life Failure (1261)
2005-09-07 - Achievement (1260)
2005-09-03 - Is "clothes" a valid word? (1259)
2005-09-02 - Late night reading (1258)
2005-09-01 - Tip of the tongue (1257)
2005-08-30 - Bad choices (1256)
2005-08-29 - Red pill (1255)
2005-08-28 - Two liters (1254)
2005-08-27 - Plow (1253)
2005-08-25 - CTF (1252)
2005-08-24 - Utilitarian (1251)
2005-08-23 - I may have just committed a crime. (1250)
2005-08-20 - Bone-tired (1249)
2005-08-20 - I lie to myself (1248)
2005-08-19 - Holding my breath (1247)
2005-08-17 - My heartbeat is quiet (1246)
2005-08-14 - Chain of events. (1245)
2005-08-13 - Strong weak weak strong weak weak (1244)
2005-08-12 - It's all connected (1243)
2005-08-11 - Everything in its place (1242)
2005-08-10 - After-effects (1241)
2005-08-10 - UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT! (1240)
2005-08-08 - Unexpected development (1239)
2005-08-07 - Shit, guys! (1238)
2005-08-07 - Choosing sides (1237)
2005-08-06 - The sun filtered through the leaves (1236)
2005-08-05 - Circumspect forbiddance (1235)
2005-08-05 - One two three four! (1234)
2005-08-04 - Reticence (1233)
2005-08-03 - Cheers! (1232)
2005-08-03 - She said, he said (1231)
2005-08-02 - To the point. (1230)
2005-08-01 - Ominous warning (1229)
2005-08-01 - It's like a moan and a grunt, kids. (1228)
2005-07-31 - Oscillating (1227)
2005-07-30 - Kalimdor is ours. (1226)
2005-07-30 - Forced entry (1225)
2005-07-28 - Soloing (1224)
2005-07-26 - Keeping my mind off of things (1223)
2005-07-25 - Pondering (1222)
2005-07-22 - I am full of screams (1221)
2005-07-21 - (1220)
2005-07-21 - Productive (1219)
2005-07-20 - Coal-tar mixture (1218)
2005-07-19 - 29,000 hits (1217)
2005-07-19 - Tight-lipped (1216)
2005-07-18 - The humidex is high too (1215)
2005-07-18 - That's gotta be it (1214)
2005-07-18 - Awe (1213)
2005-07-17 - 1212!
2005-07-16 - I DEFINITELY said something wrong (1211)
2005-07-14 - Persuasive force (1210)
2005-07-13 - Timber! (1209)
2005-07-12 - Gear shift #1 (1208)
2005-07-11 - HIJACKING (1207)
2005-07-10 - Need weapon (1206)
2005-07-09 - Like I could breathe acid (1205)
2005-07-08 - To the points (1204)
2005-07-07 - Well, ya see. (1203)
2005-07-05 - Insousciance (1202)
2005-07-04 - Corrupted file loss (1201)
2005-07-02 - Anti-climatic 1200th entry! (1200)
2005-06-26 - Sodium Hydroxide (1199)
2005-06-25 - DAMN YOU MEDDLING KIDS (1198)
2005-06-25 - Rebuttal (1197)
2005-06-24 - Impulsiveness +1 (1196)
2005-06-21 - Beginning of the end (1195)
2005-06-20 - Must... resist... (1194)
2005-06-19 - I don't have words (1193)
2005-06-18 - I'm depressing! (1192)
2005-06-17 - New plan (1191)
2005-06-17 - Flinching (1190)
2005-06-16 - Aphotic tidings (1189)
2005-06-15 - Boom! (1188)
2005-06-14 - Only worried through tension (1187)
2005-06-13 - Belonging (1186)
2005-06-12 - Firm assertion (1185)
2005-06-12 - Gasping through filth (1184)
2005-06-11 - And four to go (1183)
2005-06-09 - Three to get ready (1182)
2005-06-08 - Two for the show (1181)
2005-06-07 - One for the money (1180)
2005-06-06 - Gaia (1179)
2005-06-05 - FTW! (1178)
2005-06-04 - Want. Take. Have. (1177)
2005-06-03 - I'd rather be sleeping (1176)
2005-06-03 - A cautionary tale (1175)
2005-06-01 - Thrumming with foreboding (1174)
2005-05-31 - "Come alone" (1173)
2005-05-31 - Peach slices (1172)
2005-05-30 - "Lurkingly" (1171)
2005-05-29 - Mind the speedbumps (1170)
2005-05-28 - Grenade juggling (1169)
2005-05-27 - Sketchy proposition (1168)
2005-05-26 - Lay-ah (1167)
2005-05-25 - Damage Control (1166)
2005-05-24 - Wow, that's poor (1165)
2005-05-23 - Mind the falling glass (1164)
2005-05-23 - Continuity errors (1163)
2005-05-22 - Caution is required (1162)
2005-05-22 - A little unsettled (1161)
2005-05-21 - Meatbags (1160)
2005-05-20 - Not much to report (1159)
2005-05-19 - Headache at 2am (1158)
2005-05-18 - Failed claimants to the throne (1157)
2005-05-17 - I'm cleaning my room (1156)
2005-05-16 - Invitations (1155)
2005-05-16 - Pounding drums, pounding heart (1154)
2005-05-15 - mute (1153)
2005-05-14 - "Quick, Alex, get our pants!" (1152)
2005-05-14 - ...? (1151)
2005-05-13 - Plead the fifth (1150)
2005-05-12 - BEST. COMIC. EVAR. (1149)
2005-05-11 - How the? (1148)
2005-05-10 - I didn't get the job (1147)
2005-05-10 - I am blighted (1146)
2005-05-08 - Mediocre (1145)
2005-05-05 - Distant Lands (1144)
2005-05-04 - Empty and flat-lined (1143)
2005-05-03 - Cosmic alignments (1142)
2005-05-01 - Paypal, e-gold a go(1141)
2005-04-30 - Filthy Lucre (1140)
2005-04-28 - Money, cash, greenbacks (1139)
2005-04-27 - Albertan Terms of Service (1138)
2005-04-25 - Tiki hut scammers! (1137)
2005-04-24 - That completely exhausted hum (1136)
2005-04-23 - He's a cool cat (1135)
2005-04-22 - Like a ball of elastics (1134)
2005-04-21 - From angry to tired (1133)
2005-04-21 - Two essays, two exams (1132)
2005-04-20 - Imminent Doom (1131)
2005-04-20 - I'm a sell-out! (1130)
2005-04-19 - Calculus part 2 (1129)
2005-04-19 - Calculus (1128)
2005-04-18 - The layout is mostly done (1127)
2005-04-17 - TITLE Capitals test
2005-04-17 - THE TITLE IS TOO BIG(1125)
2005-04-17 - My organs move like a squirm of eels (1124)
2005-04-16 - Not a personal commentary (1123)
2005-04-16 - Call of Duty tips and tricks (1122)
2005-04-16 - SUCCESS! (1121)
2005-04-15 - WOOT! (1120)
2005-04-15 - Time to perform, genius (1119)
2005-04-14 - It's ironic that I'm putting this here (1118)
2005-04-13 - Hm, yeah that plan. (1117)
2005-04-12 - Non-productive day (1116)
2005-04-12 - It's 5:30, son (1115)
2005-04-11 - Plan of Action (1114)
2005-04-10 - Actually... (1113)
2005-04-09 - Twelve hours (1112)
2005-04-09 - Cast Page '05 (1111)
2005-04-08 - Charge! (1110)
2005-04-07 - One week?! (1109)
2005-04-07 - All the small moments (1108)
2005-04-06 - I want to do something productive today! (1107)
2005-04-06 - April 06, 2005 (1106)
2005-04-05 - Germans and Hugh Grant (1105)
2005-04-05 - Drastic actions must be taken! (1104)
2005-04-04 - I didn't know who it was at first (1103)
2005-04-03 - The Diaryland Connection (1102)
2005-04-02 - Positive particles (1101)
2005-04-02 - Diary of rejection +2 (1100)
2005-04-01 - A Dissertation on Ebullience (1099)
2005-04-01 - The red-haired girl (1098)
2005-03-31 - Resolution (1097)
2005-03-30 - I should stop waiting for coffee and cry alone (1096)
2005-03-30 - A polite request (1095)
2005-03-29 - I'm a weird kid (1094)
2005-03-29 - Props to SugarPixie (1093)
2005-03-28 - Motionless anger (1092)
2005-03-27 - Shameless hypocrite (1091)
2005-03-26 - How many nights have I spent here? (1090)
2005-03-21 - Reassuring, yet pointless (1089)
2005-03-18 - Tahoma Skies (1088)
2005-03-17 - One sob at a time (1087)
2005-03-16 - A mouthful of toothpaste (1086)
2005-03-15 - Cracked husk (1085)
2005-03-13 - A whomping good time (1084)
2005-03-11 - Un (1083)
2005-03-11 - Cheap drunk , part deux (1082)
2005-03-10 - Cheap drunk (1081)
2005-03-09 - Lonely conversation (1080)
2005-03-08 - The Obsidian Cleaver
2005-03-07 - Watch for knitting needles, haunted couches, and museums (1078)
2005-03-06 - Such a Late Goodbye (1077)
2005-03-05 - I offer acceptance (1076)
2005-03-04 - Watch out for flies (1075)
2005-03-03 - Councilling, homework, and life, ho! (1074)
2005-03-02 - The Internet makes you stupid (1073)
2005-02-28 - Huhn... (1072)
2005-02-27 - Someone get me Joe Cavallo's address (1071)
2005-02-27 - Wishing for Grand Central (1070)
2005-02-26 - Unattractive sickliness (1069)
2005-02-25 - Dinner (1068)
2005-02-25 - Stand clear: Trainwreck in progress (1067)
2005-02-24 - Reading Week > 50% (1066)
2005-02-24 - Pounding (1065)
2005-02-23 - Wideband transmission (1064)
2005-02-22 - Toxic waste and bleached bones (1063)
2005-02-21 - Knock knock (1062)
2005-02-19 - It's been real (1061)
2005-02-19 - Ionia Growth (1060)
2005-02-17 - Creamy thighs (1059)
2005-02-15 - Excelsior, the Mysterious (1058)
2005-02-15 - Aeria Gloris (1057)
2005-02-14 - Tense like a cable (1056)
2005-02-13 - Cotton eye Joe (1055)
2005-02-12 - I'm sober, really #2 (1054)
2005-02-11 - A married girl bought me drinks (1053)
2005-02-10 - Vacuum lips (1052)
2005-02-09 - Something with stun batons (1051)
2005-02-08 - Modulated (1050)
2005-02-07 - Contrition (1049)
2005-02-06 - DC'ed/PBF (1048)
2005-02-05 - Subluxation (1047)
2005-02-04 - Reserved Dogs (1046)
2005-02-03 - gender/sex (1045)
2005-02-02 - There are things I can't say anymore
2005-02-01 - "friends with benefits" (1043)
2005-01-31 - OW! (1042)
2005-01-31 - 2 years and 9 months (-1041-)
2005-01-30 - Kingston, Jan/2005 (1040)
2005-01-28 - SimCity 4 Rush Hour Crack Installation Problem Bittorrent (1039)
2005-01-27 - Needles... in... brain! (1038)
2005-01-25 - Corporate Whore (1037)
2005-01-25 - Parasite Eve Encore (1036)
2005-01-24 - Sleep you git (1035)
2005-01-22 - Kapwing! (1034)
2005-01-19 - Where the wind blows (1033)
2005-01-17 - Space Cowboy (-1032-)
2005-01-16 - The paragraps get longer, then short!
2005-01-15 - My night in six words (1030)
2005-01-14 - Some sort of justice (1029)
2005-01-13 - (1028) Feeling sort of defeated
2005-01-12 - I wonder why people post on GH
2005-01-11 - Typos bug me
2005-01-10 - Last Christmas weekend this year
2005-01-08 - Move north, now.
2005-01-06 - This isn't legal
2005-01-05 - Simplicity
2005-01-04 - It's nighttime!
2005-01-03 - wtfretorted
2004-12-30 - A literary photoalbum
2004-12-29 - Tomorrow might be -good-
2004-12-28 - Party party kyaaaah!
2004-12-26 - Boxing day surprise!
2004-12-25 - Merry Christmas everyone
2004-12-24 - My last day of being 18
2004-12-23 - Painfully apt
2004-12-20 - I roll twenties
2004-12-17 - Buy me a dictionary
2004-12-16 - Treiben ohne Schwerkraft
2004-12-11 - "then we kissed. with tongue."
2004-12-10 - Surprise!
2004-12-09 - (As an aside, I'm sad tonight)
2004-12-08 - /p shortdescription /p
2004-12-06 - December 6th
2004-12-05 - Like today, for instance
2004-12-03 - At least someone's keeping her warm
2004-12-02 - DDR songs (non-sequitered!)
2004-12-01 - Snow! Snooooow!
2004-11-28 - 1000e - Last rites
2004-11-22 - 1000d - Testament
2004-11-16 - 1000c - Crisis
2004-11-04 - 1000b - Lull in the entries...
2004-10-31 - 1000a - The Early Days
2004-10-28 - Kindred spirit
2004-10-27 - Two entries from a thousand
2004-10-26 - Calhoun, master of feminism! hurrah!
2004-10-26 - Tea leaves sounds peaceful
2004-10-25 - Eugoogly
2004-10-24 - Women's Issues and rainbows
2004-10-22 - Screeching, Halo, and the To-ma-to
2004-10-21 - what the hell???
2004-10-20 - Assuaged
2004-10-15 - I like how she says my name
2004-10-14 - I should have gone to bed, eh?
2004-10-13 - Alcohol thesis
2004-10-12 - Hold me tight
2004-10-07 - Get it on Crazy Penis
2004-10-06 - In pursuit of 5%
2004-10-05 - Rage
2004-10-04 - panic panic panic
2004-10-03 - I need to get things in order
2004-10-02 - they really fly!
2004-10-01 - I checked!
2004-09-30 - I really hope those weren't premonitions
2004-09-30 - To whit
2004-09-28 - bottles and oceans (and random acts of kindness)
2004-09-26 - my chest feels empty
2004-09-25 - I'm thinking of need again
2004-09-23 - Another day gone by
2004-09-21 - Twiceborn
2004-09-20 - I should really buy those books
2004-09-15 - My reading's done, at least
2004-09-13 - Between Poli Sci and Philosophy
2004-09-11 - Calling, calling, spirits rising and falling
2004-09-08 - fshoom! Tea at 2 am!
2004-09-02 - I built a desk today! Twice!
2004-08-31 - It's my last day of work tomorrow
2004-08-29 - My room is dusty, too
2004-08-28 - stupid carpets
2004-08-25 - flitter flutter
2004-08-24 - but we won that one!
2004-08-23 - that son of a bitch
2004-08-22 - mephitic wallowing!
2004-08-20 - rattle rattle!
2004-08-17 - teleforeshadowing
2004-08-15 - Relaxation ahead
2004-08-13 - Duty calls!
2004-08-13 - email bliss
2004-08-10 - introspective mouth-breathing troglodites
2004-08-09 - The blood in my head
2004-08-06 - Things not to do at night...
2004-08-03 - of course, it's time for work now :(
2004-08-02 - Looking for a witty title
2004-07-26 - work is getting harder
2004-07-25 - i need more land!
2004-07-25 - runs off!
2004-07-19 - I thought no one else noticed that!
2004-07-18 - She's not good with this sort of thing
2004-07-17 - Sometimes, this is all I can think of:
2004-07-15 - snarl
2004-07-13 - Mm, hypnosis
2004-07-09 - Under construction
2004-07-07 - I'd need a good name
2004-07-05 - It was my first day at work today!
2004-07-03 - Erudite opinions
2004-06-28 - Cliché suspicion
2004-06-28 - Gotta love the timing
2004-06-26 - Prom Night 2004
2004-06-23 - UMS
2004-06-19 - Quixotic and lachrymose
2004-06-18 - This is my D&D group
2004-06-13 - Server overload
2004-06-03 - Coins, Ebola, Queen's, and Becky
2004-05-31 - chicken burgers and cuddling
2004-05-25 - Box 'o' writing
2004-05-24 - End of year homework
2004-05-24 - ohmygoodness
2004-05-23 - beer bad!
2004-05-21 - early friday bedtime
2004-05-19 - It's nearly 7 and I'm still useless
2004-05-19 - iPhoto cycle
2004-05-16 - my cd burner is slow
2004-05-15 - D&D threesome!
2004-05-11 - nearly... thursday
2004-05-10 - Juice hair
2004-05-09 - hurrah for child-rearing
2004-05-07 - roffle
2004-05-04 - oh no! :0
2004-05-03 - Blood test part 2
2004-05-02 - It was a good one too
2004-04-30 - Mid-morning rant
2004-04-29 - Happy Birthday Shawna
2004-04-28 - Bimbo huntin' guide
2004-04-27 - Career planning
2004-04-25 - Puppetgal
2004-04-24 - Creeping for hypos
2004-04-22 - Romantic death warrant
2004-04-21 - The big hand's on 120 and the little hand's on E
2004-04-20 - What, you didn't come?
2004-04-18 - Ah well
2004-04-17 - Dibbs! Entry postponed!
2004-04-15 - the many uses of msn
2004-04-11 - Dem bones
2004-04-05 - wrist-biting
2004-04-02 - tears for giba
2004-03-28 - d20Mod, CoC, 3.5E
2004-03-26 - Queens! Giba giba!
2004-03-25 - Diablo 2 update for Chris
2004-03-25 - Aaah Queen's
2004-03-19 - Six dozen!
2004-03-18 - Must... get... set... items...
2004-03-17 - Spending bonanza!
2004-03-13 - (clip clip)
2004-03-10 - Outsider
2004-03-07 - Chania is secretely a good actor!
2004-03-03 - Itchy itchy!
2004-02-29 - 9 questions (886)
2004-02-29 - Good day with Kat (885)
2004-02-27 - I thought I needed that (884)
2004-02-24 - Guestbook! (883)
2004-02-24 - Aquaphobia (882)
2004-02-22 - With a pickaxe! (881)
2004-02-22 - Classical conditioning fun (880)
2004-02-20 - Goddamn dream! (879)
2004-02-16 - Phwee-pawp (878)
2004-02-15 - Valentine's Day (877)
2004-02-13 - "and I'm worse than I seem" (876)
2004-02-11 - Just an ordinary day (875)
2004-02-10 - Depressed, the word (874)
2004-02-08 - Virgins (873)
2004-02-07 - Nihil cogitas (872)
2004-02-03 - A Kingston themed make-up entry (871)
2004-01-30 - People are strange
2004-01-27 - Semester two tomorrow (869)
2004-01-26 - Things that were productive (868)
2004-01-25 - Pondering Failure (867)
2004-01-24 - Myth 2
2004-01-21 - A short rendition of my life (865)
2004-01-20 - (864)
2004-01-18 - Evangeline, cyberpimp (863)
2004-01-17 - Prelude to tests, teamplay, and tobagganing
2004-01-14 - Best afterschool ever (cold outside!)
2004-01-12 - Pursuit of stimulation
2004-01-11 - A brand spanking new epiphany
2004-01-07 - I have a lot more to say, but no motivation
2004-01-06 - Flip a coin or something
2004-01-05 - I really have to start making entries earlier
2004-01-04 - Bare bones entry, but I'm going to bed
2004-01-02 - No foolin with Hamlet and rifles
2004-01-02 - Girls really can sleep with whomever they want!
2004-01-01 - 2004
2003-12-27 - A very very bad mood
2003-12-25 - Christmas time, Christmas time...
2003-12-21 - Happy Solstice, clings!
2003-12-19 - The Canterbury Assembly
2003-12-16 - Buffet Procedure
2003-12-14 - Snowblowing you off
2003-12-14 - And that's the problem Sha
2003-12-13 - ...curses
2003-12-12 - Bleeding, cannibalism, and King Steve
2003-12-11 - Undvater!
2003-12-10 - Ominous Horoscope
2003-12-09 - Lovecraft, Irritable, Anal Chem, bottom
2003-12-08 - Hyah!
2003-12-04 - Jason the Psychopath
2003-12-01 - MOHAA completion and bday preliminary
2003-11-30 - I have the Flu
2003-11-28 - It would be cool to be like BB
2003-11-27 - Nesquikky goodness
2003-11-25 - Pheremones, or something
2003-11-25 - Poll results and Vick(y or i)
2003-11-23 - Just the poll this time
2003-11-22 - Tom Clancy vs Token Black Guy
2003-11-21 - Cue-to-cue!
2003-11-21 - [grins]
2003-11-21 - I should compliment people more often!
2003-11-20 - Some race and gender musings
2003-11-19 - All right, enough of this
2003-11-19 - 'struth, 'tis Nietzch!
2003-11-18 - Maybe ICQ is better.
2003-11-16 - There was no drama
2003-11-16 - 64.230.69.105
2003-11-16 - Soup it up, Chuck
2003-11-13 - **The last few years quotes**
2003-11-13 - The Boss says:
2003-11-12 - Agh! My eyes! Aieee!
2003-11-12 - All we need now is choereography!
2003-11-10 - Holee gawd tipawgrafee
2003-11-09 - minimalist approach to mcgill
2003-11-05 - Tropico download time (hospital postman)
2003-11-04 - Carotenoid!
2003-11-01 - Halloween and such and such
2003-10-28 - "We are dumbasses"
2003-10-26 - Updating out of habit
2003-10-22 - anger hath my breath
2003-10-21 - gta 4 sophie!
2003-10-12 - A quick note to Corinna
2003-10-12 - hospital accompaniment
2003-10-11 - meat-packing
2003-10-05 - Blossoms, Royaa's party!
2003-10-04 - the mayor of sha-ville
2003-09-30 - eraser of love
2003-09-29 - 800 - the biggest problem
2003-08-24 - self-improvement, feelings, sex
2003-08-01 - worrying at the end of july
2003-07-28 - 75 times in one sitting
2003-07-22 - paaaaaiiinnnt
2003-07-08 - night on the town with leah and jess
2003-07-06 - helter-skelter sociopaths!
2003-07-06 - someone make me finish the layout :P
2003-07-06 - hardly quality time
2003-07-05 - Chris' bday party didn't cheer me up
2003-07-03 - on blue wings layout
2003-07-03 - super happy combination
2003-07-02 - Canada Day
2003-07-01 - oh boy, vampirism!
2003-06-30 - wonderfully done jon!
2003-06-30 - green bracelets
2003-06-28 - Grad
2003-06-27 - Prom
2003-06-26 - damn you ambrosia!
2003-06-25 - The Party, the cottage, crawling
2003-06-17 - AGH! CAR! Paintball request
2003-06-15 - yonder over under
2003-06-14 - Friday the fucking 13th
2003-06-13 - friday 13, mean alex, nice becky, etc
2002-06-11 - High school
2003-06-01 - (775) Ephemeral Dreams
2003-05-25 - 570? Oh I get it
2003-05-25 - hero in the rain
2003-05-22 - the hero
2003-05-20 - beatoff = homework
2003-05-18 - demons
2003-05-11 - broken dread
2003-05-11 - eye-popping orgasm
2003-05-05 - cool spring afternoon
2003-05-04 - iambs and death boxes
2003-04-23 - black pudding
2003-04-12 - winds of change upon spring dawning
2003-04-06 - leash! leash! wahahaha
2003-03-31 - annoying dreams!
2003-03-31 - spring break
2003-03-29 - nettles
2003-03-28 - tara? really? wow
2003-03-27 - sweet dreams in the icy water
2003-03-26 - D&D addedenda and alice cd
2003-03-24 - bouncy ball
2003-03-22 - diseased
2003-03-16 - 12 months and LAN party!
2003-03-11 - old entries and corinna-myou
2003-03-10 - it hasn't happened
2003-03-08 - Getting sick again
2003-03-04 - just breathe... another day
2003-02-26 - hurrah
2003-02-23 - moving props
2003-02-22 - a little sad-boo
2003-02-20 - monkeys chucking fricken dice
2003-02-20 - shape of a girl, bullies
2003-02-18 - stuffs, sick, etc
2003-02-18 - pox! pox! wahahaha!
2003-02-16 - dream start and 11 month
2003-02-14 - valentine's day
2003-02-13 - breathing life
2003-02-13 - electric cord beauty
2003-02-13 - it hurts enough to finish me
2003-02-12 - perfect dark with alex
2003-02-12 - half-meds and d&d report
2003-02-11 - sad because she wants nothing
2003-02-10 - insightful
2003-02-10 - one more step and...
2003-02-09 - a damned riot
2003-02-09 - nas ne dogonjat rage
2003-02-06 - d&d worries, sick jon
2003-02-05 - naked, massie, blood
2003-02-04 - starting another layout change
2003-02-03 - possible negativity change
2003-02-03 - Rage
2003-02-01 - Challenger explodes!!!
2003-01-30 - bad people
2003-01-30 - Run Boris!
2003-01-30 - i can't believe she did that and writer
2003-01-28 - weakness meds
2003-01-28 - all the things she said
2003-01-27 - no energy i guess
2003-01-26 - 30 and metaphors
2003-01-23 - dead end?
2003-01-23 - falling apart for nac, kat, and bio
2003-01-23 - dumb, dumb, dumb parents
2003-01-23 - shutupshutup [cries]
2003-01-22 - mac os x
2003-01-19 - nerdslut
2003-01-19 - 10th anniversary bliss
2003-01-16 - drama isu
2003-01-15 - thanks mr massie and nazi contraception!
2003-01-14 - finished english isu and david's couch
2003-01-12 - to do: write and sketch and play
2003-01-11 - sacriligous essay writing
2003-01-11 - I need to recharge
2003-01-10 - depression once more
2003-01-09 - sloth
2003-01-08 - NEWER CAST LIST
2003-01-07 - Comics
2003-01-06 - This is how we reproduce, I swear
2003-01-05 - guess where i'm going tomorrow
2003-01-05 - weak in the knees, shawisland
2003-01-03 - (#.Dungeons and Dragons.#)
2003-01-02 - why does that bother me
2003-01-02 - why do i keep writing freedom
2003-01-01 - 2003
2002-12-31 - ending, red, ecstacy, white death
2002-12-30 - run jon
2002-12-30 - aileen's, jordan's home
2002-12-28 - back hurting, stadium escapades
2002-12-27 - Diaryland whacked bvizatch!
2002-12-27 - Diaryland!
2002-12-27 - trauma and rape
2002-12-26 - sickening hope
2002-12-26 - long entry, the onion, reflecting
2002-12-25 - what did I miss?
2002-12-25 - christmas!
2002-12-24 - layout gifts, s'pht yellow, and it's late
2002-12-23 - new layout, electra, playlists, grade 9
2002-12-22 - 9TH ANNIVERSARY, ADRIANNA, MUSIC
2002-12-21 - valerian suicide, love, st laurent
1999-12-18 - house of the dead shenanigans
2002-12-17 - i'm sleepy and i have stuff to do
2002-12-16 - Bio isu preperation
2002-12-15 - scary war, pot luck fools, anna?
2002-12-14 - tense, tired, old quotes, so sorry
2002-12-12 - noobie and oops sorry chris
2002-12-11 - big letters
2002-12-08 - corinna was right about music
2002-12-08 - Independant studies ho!
2002-12-07 - i banish guilt-trips for her love
2002-12-05 - nevermind about offbeat
2002-12-04 - judo locker rooms and lack of purity
2002-12-01 - the devil's entry
2002-11-30 - corinna, forest green, memories
2002-11-30 - bitter LANs and personal space
2002-11-27 - running away to British Columbia
2002-11-26 - because of a gb entry
2002-11-24 - dagenais story and prattling mom
2002-11-24 - candy canes and Bob Dagenais
2002-11-23 - backstage party, icy wind
2002-11-22 - kat's dress and total annihilation
2002-11-20 - "Er, can you vouch for his sanity?"
2002-11-19 - backstage; splint, drinks, fingercuffs
2002-11-18 - dress rehearsal and je pompe la nerf
2002-11-17 - nothing went wrong and twice for me
2002-11-14 - alex got it, yay!
2002-11-13 - not quite hamlet!
2002-11-13 - resume, time for hamlet essay!
2002-11-11 - parental priorities
2002-11-10 - not good enough at all
2002-11-07 - [hugs]
2002-11-06 - just a stupid failure
2002-11-04 - i need sleep
2002-11-03 - yes, yes they are
2002-11-03 - almost morning earth day
2002-11-03 - Lan party again... do these ever work?
2002-11-01 - lucky one
2002-10-31 - the rocky horror picture show
2002-10-30 - We have costumes!
2002-10-28 - 10 000 views
2002-10-28 - sliced eyeball!
2002-10-27 - i wonder if she liked it
2002-10-27 - disappointment and i have to chase her
2002-10-24 - migraine and no fun
2002-10-23 - the dark mouse girl at billings bridge
2002-10-22 - i'm talking to ian, and then kat
2002-10-20 - study time
2002-10-20 - i know i haven't been accurate
2002-10-17 - breaking point
2002-10-17 - pathetic fallacy; it was really rainy and cold
2002-10-16 - the boy with the cuts on his arm was the calm one
2002-10-15 - i think i'll kill myself by injecting booze some day
2002-10-14 - cold love
2002-10-14 - thanksgiving happiness
2002-10-13 - i think she deserves better
2002-10-13 - i upset people because i talk to them
2002-10-13 - sexual four-hour entry
2002-10-12 - 2 really deep and me on her tummy
2002-10-10 - i beat medal of honor but who cares?
2002-10-09 - 9 to 12 times over 26 minutes... now she's dead
2002-10-09 - prepubescent sounds like a bug
2002-10-08 - this entry is too long to name
2002-10-07 - and sometimes I write the right thing
2002-10-06 - stalling me
2002-10-06 - so very fickle (this is the 3rd entry today)
2002-10-06 - i should have said i love you
2002-10-06 - a desire
2002-10-03 - disillusioned
2002-09-30 - writing again?
2002-09-29 - porcelain dreams
2002-09-28 - stay with me (6th anniversary)
2002-09-28 - to the bedroom!
2002-09-27 - stupid rare music!
2002-09-26 - sapping my resolve akt akt akt
2002-09-24 - chasing amy songs
2002-09-23 - sucker punches, geeky singing, key
2002-09-22 - she had sex before i was kissed!
2002-09-21 - i made my tumbling check!
2002-09-21 - i have to go
2002-09-19 - how about love
2002-09-19 - La vie Boheme
2002-09-18 - To bed and then offbeat
2002-09-17 - TRUTH
2002-09-15 - i wish kat had seen it with me
2002-09-15 - buffy the musical will forever remind me
2002-09-14 - chris' party, three people threw up
2002-09-12 - i can't scream in my nightmares
2002-09-11 - relative normalacy
2002-09-10 - chasing amy, this took an hour to write
2002-09-08 - i used to write long entries
2002-09-08 - depressed cowering
2002-09-07 - i ran away from anna and kat's party
2002-09-05 - crazier than a fox
2002-09-03 - roy peterson sung corinnacorinna
2002-09-03 - stitches for open wounds
2002-09-02 - ambiguous summer reflections
2002-09-02 - jordan came home then ran away again
2002-09-01 - happy 5th anniversary
2002-08-29 - ipod imac, naked cuddles, psychotic
2002-08-28 - key 33, phone-transmitted-depression
2002-08-27 - i thought you knew me better than that
2002-08-27 - england, sims music, story, people disappearing, 7%
2002-08-25 - %% new year's resolution %%
2002-08-24 - nothing important, kind of licorice
2002-08-24 - quotes page, no party, confidential
2002-08-23 - think stoned, party betrayal
2002-08-22 - why do rich people live in grafton
2002-08-19 - kat and i are so similar, a big tent
2002-08-16 - i'm going to crash a women's concert
2002-08-15 - i still don't get it, explain!
2002-08-15 - whoa, back up!
2002-08-15 - cockring, fours
2002-08-15 - self-destructive tendencies, change, haven't cried
2002-08-14 - juxtapostional URGH, males and females
2002-08-14 - i still smell like her
2002-08-13 - that still makes me feel silly
2002-08-13 - sodden witch, skeleton in the closet
2002-08-12 - panic attack, old days, sunshine & beauty
2002-08-11 - no parent cottage part 1
2002-08-11 - list of judgemental arbiters
2002-08-11 - hey nothing exploded
2002-08-11 - repair is not a good idea
2002-08-11 - I wish Jordan and David had been there
2002-08-07 - this diary is so going to only be about sex soon
2002-08-05 - porchlight, comics, radio, story, slut?
2002-08-04 - fourth anniversary
2002-08-03 - random happiness, dilbert, ie works
2002-08-03 - Trapped at Chris'
2002-08-02 - She thinks I've never used one
2002-08-02 - It's getting routine, and Kat's concussion
2002-08-02 - Jordan... suicide, greying over, shame
2002-08-02 - Mind partitions, pre-14, and won't admit
2002-08-01 - Blissful love with Kat
2002-07-31 - Redemption and Kitten fight a lot
2002-07-30 - COTTAGE!!! Kat crying?
2002-07-21 - Cottage life
2002-07-20 - pampered & sleepovers
2002-07-18 - false suicide, lack of tact, and you'll hafta wait
2002-07-16 - tears for lost (violated?) unicorns
2002-07-13 - Byron Walker
2002-07-13 - warcraft 3 and mtv downtowm
2002-07-11 - my huge gaping flaw
2002-07-10 - crashing anna
2002-07-10 - evil plan and kat needs glasses
2002-07-10 - new cast list
2002-07-10 - bernardStrauss' code
2002-07-09 - perfect dark ar-33
2002-07-09 - the purity test and kat-cuddles
2002-07-07 - How rampancy, Corinna, and a large beetle relate
2002-07-07 - Don't wake her just yet
2002-07-05 - Escape from fort dad
2002-07-02 - what? dad's?
2002-07-02 - Worthless entry?
2002-07-02 - Older entries page is complete
2002-07-02 - Much less traumatic Canada Day
2002-07-01 - Wonderful day with Kat and bad pics
2002-06-30 - Cats and chairlegs
2002-06-29 - Guestbook under contruction
2002-06-29 - Other page schemes
2002-06-28 - New pfhor design
2002-06-26 - A marathon look?
2002-06-25 - Beautiful mind and they're back from music
2002-06-25 - Lucidity (but a crazy computer)
2002-06-25 - Leela tells me to sleep
2002-06-25 - Resurrection!
2002-06-24 - Ephemeron and WarCraft 3
2002-06-22 - I'm only half awake (but not dead)
2002-06-22 - Oops, I should have logged in (Smythe road)
2002-06-20 - Physics exam
2002-06-19 - Massive celestial objects
2002-06-18 - BritneySpears?
2002-06-18 - Not to mention petty
2002-06-17 - AMBIGUOUS REFLECTIONS
2002-06-17 - Little kids and -*-Joe-*-
2002-06-17 - The music council office
2002-06-17 - Graduation breakups
2002-06-16 - Entry 500 (sex, Corinna, and Kat)
2002-06-15 - "What would you know about sex?"
2002-06-15 - No more jokes and why the rain saddens
2002-06-14 - The rain reminds me of past happiness
2002-06-14 - Cleaning the music room (freedom)
2002-06-13 - "Would you give alcohol to an alcoholic?"
2002-06-13 - I loathe humans
2002-06-12 - Avery's html genius! :D (and my pic)
2002-06-12 - Jess Humm
2002-06-12 - choochoo
2002-06-12 - And I have two summatives tomorrow!
2002-06-11 - Jon is making a cheat sheet
2002-06-11 - Wankers
2002-06-11 - Damned school
2002-06-10 - Alex Millman
2002-06-10 - Zoé Hurtubise
2002-06-10 - Jeff Pinck
2002-06-10 - D B
2002-06-10 - Kieran Humphries
2002-06-10 - Jason
2002-06-10 - Chris Longair
2002-06-10 - Multiple Personalities
2002-06-10 - Seasons by Ayumi Hamasaki
2002-06-10 - Feelings and words and yearbooks
2002-06-09 - "Does your mouth remember?"
2002-06-08 - Absurdly flirting
2002-06-06 - Now I missed 473!!!
2002-06-05 - -chan
2002-06-04 - Oops, I skipped number 468
2002-06-04 - A plague of punctuation!
2002-06-04 - Insane wahahaa
2002-06-04 - Skellies!
2002-06-04 - The very first entry quote
2002-06-03 - Time flying with Corinna watching
2002-06-03 - Aimless wandering, smiling at Cody and Byron
2002-06-02 - Harry Potter
2002-06-02 - Quotes, and Mr. Roboto
2002-06-02 - The last three days and Corinna showing up
2002-06-01 - Shallow quizzes
2002-05-30 - Michael Novotny
2002-05-29 - No more Physics project! [smiles edgily, tiredly]
2002-05-29 - Evil in my guestbook
2002-05-27 - Vai Vedrai and weekend plans?
2002-05-26 - Quidam
2002-05-26 - Corinna's Birthday
2002-05-21 - Corinna's bday is soon
2002-05-20 - Something killed D&D
2002-05-19 - Because I say my brother is a drugdealer
2002-05-19 - Offbeat is back
2002-05-18 - David's, then Jordan's, then Kat's
2002-05-17 - Drama thing finally finished
2002-05-17 - "But you are pretty! Really!"
2002-05-16 - If my skin was acid because of a drama review
2002-05-16 - People wonder why I don't like Joe
2002-05-15 - Melancholy poem
2002-05-15 - Not a catamite
2002-05-14 - I am Elwood P. Downes, so have fun offbeaters
2002-05-14 - Dammit listen to me
2002-05-13 - Double entry and jumpy thoughts
2002-05-13 - Grade 11 things that happened to me
2002-05-12 - An actual report on my weekend
2002-05-12 - Happy Mother's Day
2002-05-09 - I'm a girl :P from the Matrix!
2002-05-09 - (C)or-inn_a, Cordy, Kiki, Coca-cola
2002-05-09 - So her face is puffier
2002-05-08 - Be smart or be pleasant
2002-05-07 - The utter look of horror
2002-05-07 - Corinna takes over wherever she's fighting!
2002-05-06 - Beating red heart
2002-05-06 - It helps with the bitchiness
2002-05-06 - It was nice to hear from her again
2002-05-05 - Corinna can figure things out
2002-05-05 - And everything is better?
2002-05-05 - Megan and Earl, and dreams
2002-05-05 - A little bit of contrast
2002-05-05 - A long frustrated scream
2002-05-02 - Backgrounds that work again!
2002-05-02 - Serena is okay? :(
2002-05-02 - I want to be better than neutral
2002-05-02 - I want to be better than neutral
2002-05-01 - 5000 page views and Becky crisis
2002-05-01 - Almost 5000!
2002-04-30 - More voices
2002-04-30 - SpaceDanna
2002-04-30 - Nephrotic Syndrome and gay porn
2002-04-29 - Her email
2002-04-29 - Inner voices
2002-04-28 - Something I want to remember
2002-04-28 - A cloying smell
2002-04-27 - Gen from Saskatchewan
2002-04-27 - Long weekend
2002-04-25 - Oh, everybody knows?
2002-04-25 - Common Quizzes
2002-04-24 - Revelations
2002-04-24 - Happy Birthday Zoé!
2002-04-22 - Grr, parents are bossy
2002-04-22 - Saturday night fever
2002-04-22 - Quotes from Canterbury people!
2002-04-22 - Paranoid lucidity
2002-04-21 - Kat and Sandi
2002-04-20 - Becky bit me, and I'm bleeding
2002-04-18 - Drugs! :D
2002-04-17 - Oh, so it was a disgusting sandwich
2002-04-17 - Heintzan?
2002-04-17 - Codeine, so no lesson tonight
2002-04-16 - Phonology sex quotes
2002-04-16 - Honestly giving up
2002-04-15 - Corinna is happy, at least
2002-04-14 - An email for Corinna
2002-04-14 - Dreams of girls and quotes
2002-04-14 - "Stupid underwire"
2002-04-12 - Before the play
2002-04-10 - Gloves of lavender?
2002-04-09 - Preplay happy shopping
2002-04-08 - Improbability Factor!
2002-04-08 - Skin contact
2002-04-07 - The best AAS!
2002-04-06 - Yeah, I said Katherine.
2002-04-05 - The music room has a few dents in it
2002-04-04 - Becky Mardell
2002-04-04 - Alex Richards
2002-04-04 - Ironically.
2002-04-03 - Math partners
2002-04-03 - Moments involving KD
2002-04-02 - Maybe I'll just the shut the hell up
2002-04-02 - Yeah.. uh, sorry to be happy to talk to you.
2002-04-01 - Sleepovers shouldn't have sleep in them
2002-04-01 - Sleepover: Kevin Smith!
2002-03-31 - Whitecap
2002-03-29 - It's Friday, and Easter! :D
2002-03-27 - Physics
2002-03-27 - Contradictory feelings
2002-03-25 - Take a look at my hand if you don't believe me
2002-03-22 - Return - from the dead
2002-03-19 - Good bye... it's been real.
2002-03-19 - Experimentation hurts
2002-03-19 - Jeff and his sympathy, bah!
2002-03-18 - Well, not AAS exactly.
2002-03-18 - Pointless entry
2002-03-18 - Something, but I'm unhappy
2002-03-18 - Lunch?
2002-03-17 - Vodka
2002-03-16 - Musical Conversation
2002-03-16 - Damik
2002-03-15 - Monsters, am I in love?
2002-03-14 - When someone is better than me
2002-03-14 - Make Jon go crazy
2002-03-13 - samasamasamasamasamasama
2002-03-12 - Shawna, and two oddly similar girls
2002-03-12 - I would love to be that cat
2002-03-10 - Windy days
2002-03-10 - Sometimes staying up is a good thing
2002-03-10 - Yanick
2002-03-09 - To AAS we go!
2002-03-09 - Sleepykins
2002-03-08 - Hal
2002-03-08 - Lonely before March break?
2002-03-08 - Wengh, I'm cursed, boohoo!
2002-03-07 - Empty head on Thursday night
2002-03-06 - Tracho
2002-03-06 - Paul Strum
2002-03-06 - Betrayal, weekend style
2002-03-05 - "Kissy whore"
2002-03-05 - 3 months
2002-03-04 - Serenity?
2002-03-04 - Well, I don't want to say I told you so
2002-03-04 - Headaches from devil horns
2002-03-04 - Uncoordinated sadness
2002-03-03 - Tyler? Me?
2002-03-03 - Epiphany
2002-03-02 - Fireplaces...
2002-03-02 - Wow, I'm so glad I didn't scare you
2002-03-02 - Almost finished driving lessons
2002-03-02 - Descriptions of a talented writer?
2002-03-02 - PVPonline!
2002-03-01 - Robotics explanation
2002-02-28 - Website change!!!
2002-02-28 - You called me from Toronto?
2002-02-28 - I saved an angel's life
2002-02-28 - Depression is fleeting
2002-02-27 - Cutting shallowly
2002-02-27 - Lunchtime self-reflection
2002-02-26 - Cookies! Mm, cookieliscious.
2002-02-25 - Scary guys are mean
2002-02-24 - I, wow, them? Yikes... I guess that was inevitable
2002-02-24 - Olympics
2002-02-24 - Jess Larsen
2002-02-24 - Computer failure
2002-02-22 - That went from funny to depressing
2002-02-21 - I'll fix this later.
2002-02-21 - Little notes
2002-02-20 - Wow, there's a lack of foresight!
2002-02-19 - Note: Jess does not make me happier
2002-02-18 - Jess and Ian...
2002-02-18 - Well maybe things get better soon.
2002-02-17 - Dreams of a girl in Drama
2002-02-16 - Tummy girls
2002-02-16 - I like you n_n
2002-02-15 - hehehe
2002-02-14 - Valentine's!
2002-02-13 - Becky is a...
2002-02-12 - Beating up the long haired pretty boy
2002-02-12 - Sick again... worse...
2002-02-11 - Nameless pixies
2002-02-11 - Like an apology, though nothing is expected
2002-02-11 - Bacteria-induced hallucinations
2002-02-10 - I am very sick
2002-02-10 - Dawning comprehension
2002-02-09 - A bad Saturday
2002-02-09 - A bad Saturday
2002-02-08 - Doodahdoodahdoodahdoo, Immah supahgurl!
2002-02-08 - It's quiet and lonely on Friday
2002-02-08 - Out of my way?
2002-02-07 - Riyuu and Buru, sittin in a tree!
2002-02-07 - ...first real kiss on the lips...
2002-02-06 - Nice try, writer-boy
2002-02-06 - Things people say to annoy me
2002-02-06 - My speakers seem to be broken
2002-02-05 - Wah!
2002-02-05 - Soemthing I would've normally done
2002-02-04 - Hahahaha
2002-02-04 - Maybe I will be happy again
2002-02-03 - A bit of religious reality
2002-02-03 - Part A of Cast page is done
2002-02-03 - Okay then.
2002-02-03 - Back from Arion's, Kiki is aggravating
2002-02-02 - Rideau Center busing
2002-02-02 - Corinna shouldn't come to D&D
2002-02-02 - Quiet Resignation
2002-01-29 - regulated insanity
2002-01-29 - Two minute bellyshirts?
2002-01-29 - I love icq!
2002-01-27 - Save my soul Mahoro!
2002-01-27 - Ow!
2002-01-27 - Love is in the air
2002-01-26 - Losing it all
2002-01-26 - Chris' house with them in a closet
2002-01-25 - Leanne's post
2002-01-24 - Jess' diary
2002-01-23 - Yep
2002-01-21 - Chris...
2002-01-20 - Allesandro Colantonio
2002-01-17 - Thank you, and come back later
2002-01-17 - A little change of pace
2002-01-17 - Reason for this post
2002-01-17 - I stabbed in the eye!
2002-01-16 - Puzzling Statement
Jan 15, 2002 - From my tech class
2002-01-14 - Grounded with no time to lose
2002-01-13 - She replyed... finally.
2002-01-13 - Say "hi" to Jordan for me
2002-01-13 - Cross-dressing on a girl's whim
2002-01-12 - Log of my death
12/01/02 - chingching
2002-01-10 - French essays
2002-01-08 - Brightened
2002-01-07 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
2002-01-07 - Wishing for Arachnids?
2002-12-17 - Welcome to Fort Myers
2002-01-07 - Back from Florida
2001-12-16 - Freedom
2001-12-16 - Soon.
2001-12-16 - Why?
2001-12-15 - Final ending?
2001-12-15 - Snowball fights
2001-12-13 - Thursday mysteries!
2001-12-13 - It all worked out!
2001-12-13 - Good intentions?
2001-12-12 - Sure, whatever you say
2001-12-12 - Lucidity on IcQ
2001-12-11 - Infistemal debate?
2001-12-10 - Was it something I said?
2001-12-10 - Phantasms of the mind
2001-12-09 - Helplessness
2001-12-08 - A depression so deep that...
2001-12-08 - The Durance of Hate
2001-12-07 - Preia
2001-12-07 - Zoé said she'd hit me
2001-12-05 - (I've ruined?)
2001-12-05 - Some people are lucky
2001-12-04 - Music before Florida
2001-12-04 - Radial artery?
2001-12-03 - fgdf
2001-12-02 - What I've been doing for the past 2 hours
2001-12-02 - It's true
2001-12-02 - Anyone for some mild irony?
2001-12-01 - Hate is below zero
2001-12-01 - Things I shouldn't bring up so often
2001-11-29 - Contemptuous
2001-11-29 - Hehe, I win...
2001-11-27 - Saturday of contradiction
2001-11-25 - Tylenol
2001-11-24 - I wish
2001-11-23 - "friends"
2001-11-22 - Can you believe I have to give this to Leggat?
2001-11-21 - Girls are yucky
2001-11-21 - Secret Detractor
2001-11-20 - 200 days
2001-11-19 - This one's for you Geo
2001-11-19 - Where there are monsters in dreams
2001-11-18 - Hates me
2001-11-17 - Grafton's birthday parties
2001-11-16 - Mike, Becky, and Friday
2001-11-15 - Depressed after a good song
2001-11-14 - Parental Guidance
2001-11-13 - I told y... What the? It's raining tires!
2001-11-12 - Victim of a rubric
2001-11-12 - -
2001-11-12 - Alone and frightened
2001-11-11 - Non-existant day
2001-11-11 - Early morning silence
2001-11-11 - Running
2001-11-09 - Tastes like pennies
2001-11-09 - Remembrance
2001-11-07 - Disjointed!
2001-11-07 - Stating the obvious
2001-11-06 - Tears / Like mirrors of my soul/ Shattered
2001-11-06 - Nuclear Family
2001-11-05 - Invisible Aikido
2001-11-04 - I felt bad, then good, then worse
2001-11-04 - Haha! I'm the last one awake!
2001-11-03 - Someone randomly messaged me
2001-11-03 - RePpin - bLinG BLing bAbY
2001-11-03 - Gasoline
2001-11-03 - Picnic Tables
2001-11-03 - Quality
2001-11-02 - Bloody mice
2001-11-01 - Sickness in my head
2001-10-31 - You revolt me too
2001-10-31 - Hugs
2001-10-31 - Halloween
2001-10-30 - Alcohol
2001-10-30 - The above mentioned girl
2001-10-29 - Hehe, "Jon-chama"
2001-10-28 - No death for me yet
2001-10-28 - Game over
2001-10-28 - Vincent Valentine
2001-10-27 - Who was I just talking to?
2001-10-26 - The sad piano music
2001-10-26 - Things look better
2001-10-26 - Is it unhealthy?
2001-10-26 - Three and a half days
2001-10-25 - Ice
2001-10-25 - Complimentry
2001-10-24 - Break me
2001-10-24 - I'm a genius
2001-10-24 - It's best not to think of these things
2001-10-23 - A coherent stream of thought
2001-10-22 - In more ways than one
2001-10-21 - With vague salutations
2001-10-21 - SYSTEM ERROR
2001-10-19 - Um... thanks
2001-10-18 - I'm still resentful
2001-10-18 - Well, off to do Biology
2001-10-17 - Thanks, you idiots
2001-10-16 - Dead for Halloween
2001-10-16 - A clue in an important conversation
2001-10-15 - My life is a series of coincidences!
2001-10-14 - Happiness
2001-10-14 - "What codes? Answer the fucking question."
2001-10-14 - I think I'll run away for now...
2001-10-14 - Hello Katty (haha)
2001-10-13 - Recovery
2001-10-12 - The lowest entry ever...
2001-10-12 - Vroom
2001-10-11 - I hurt...
2001-10-11 - Absurdity
2001-10-11 - Funniest thing in the world...
2001-10-11 - And I have the best hiding place of all
2001-10-10 - The urge to build a nailbomb
2001-10-10 - em pleh
2001-10-09 - Really, really, really...
2001-10-09 - A moment of lucidity
2001-10-08 - Maybe
2001-10-08 - No doubt they're better off though
2001-10-08 - Your cruel irony
2001-10-07 - I don't have the courage to read the messages...
2001-10-07 - Well put
2001-10-07 - Thanksgiving
2001-10-07 - Followed by an awkward silence
2001-10-07 - Another reason the world is unfair
2001-10-07 - This makes no sense now
2001-10-06 - You don't really feel that much, do you?
2001-10-06 - The Song, hail, and lack of oxygen
2001-10-06 - Don't ask why
2001-10-05 - With lots of hugs and a general anti-Jon sentiment
2001-10-05 - How much does this Enos cost?
2001-10-05 - You're on your own
2001-10-04 - I'm sure I feel sorry for you
2001-10-04 - El Presidente, your friends left without you
2001-10-04 - The things I think about at 2am
2001-10-04 - Blame her
2001-10-03 - Too much Thanatos for you
2001-10-03 - Encryption
2001-10-03 - Who does?
2001-10-02 - February 13th
2001-10-02 - The morning after
2001-10-02 - WHOO! 100!
2001-10-01 - Last entry before 100!
2001-10-01 - Anyway, this is the 98th entry
2001-10-01 - Sluttiness isn't one of my strong points
2001-09-30 - And shameless plagerism too
2001-09-30 - I trailed off at the end
2001-09-29 - This isn't as out of context as I wish it was
2001-09-29 - Only five days?
2001-09-29 - Living in a fuzzy dream
2001-09-29 - Life seems unbearably tragic sometimes
2001-09-28 - But lots of other people were qualified
2001-09-27 - The dog was like, “Oh I so thought of that foo.”
2001-09-27 - Paralysis agitans
2001-09-27 - Something I should do more often
2001-09-26 - If it means anything to you...
2001-09-25 - Between a rock and a diary entry
2001-09-25 - That's rather ironic
2001-09-24 - Well, there's an idea!
2001-09-24 - Yes, I am going to school
2001-09-23 - A quick entry
2001-09-23 - Yeah, that was exactly what I wanted
2001-09-22 - Wir werden verdorben
2001-09-22 - It's your own life
2001-09-22 - "Can you let us go man? We already drank all the beer!"
2001-09-22 - I think I'm going to try and be happy from now on
2001-09-22 - Also, don't give advice.
2001-09-21 - Maybe you don't want me to get involved...
2001-09-21 - A case of laziness
2001-09-20 - Worrying
2001-09-20 - Alex, good luck!
2001-09-20 - Theme song
2001-09-19 - It's not how long the knife is; it's how deep you stick it
2001-09-19 - I think I lose
2001-09-19 - I want to be a big, carnivorous bug
2001-09-18 - They must be desperate
2001-09-18 - As continuous as a dotted line
2001-09-18 - Music
2001-09-17 - I'm sort of awake
2001-09-16 - Why you shouldn't click on links in Impertinent's diary
2001-09-16 - Jeff's birthday
2001-09-15 - I'm cold, sick, and dizzy (Another normal Friday night)
2001-09-13 - Biology homework and worn out
2001-09-12 - Why this is fubared, and blood...
2001-09-11 - SEPTEMBER 11 - May you rest in peace
2001-09-11 - Schedule of today's events
2001-09-11 - The Second Pearl Harbor
2001-09-10 - Short entry, with a guestbook!
2001-09-09 - **Not feeling because of the Dream**
2001-09-08 - In the soccer field
2001-09-06 - This isn't supposed to happen to me
2001-09-05 - The Cast
2001-09-04 - Shrek, school, color list
2001-09-03 - The transition will be smooth
2001-09-02 - Think different (or at least shut up)
2001-09-01 - 2pm
2001-09-01 - Last day of summer
2001-08-30 - Croutons
2001-08-29 - Augh, my nose!
2001-08-27 - Too tired for the movie
2001-08-25 - Pain
2001-08-23 - Time!
2001-08-22 - Sleep
2001-08-20 - Relationships
2001-08-19 - Back from the cottage
2001-08-18 - No reason for happiness
2001-08-16 - Hurt
2001-08-15 - I must sleep...
2001-08-14 - Push me...
2001-08-12 - Rambling: Vv is tomorrow, epilepsy
2001-08-11 - Lots of post-cottage stuff... not cool
2001-08-11 - So much to say
2001-08-05 - Cottage, here I come!
2001-08-04 - Amy's
2001-08-04 - Short once more
2001-08-04 - Damn it
2001-08-02 - Jumbled up
2001-08-01 - Pillow
2001-07-31 - Allergies and love
2001-07-30 - Quotes from CS
2001-07-29 - Oh my.. this is long
2001-07-28 - Dad & sleep
2001-07-22 - I hurt my toe
2001-07-22 - Corinna no read, and Jeff is back
2001-07-20 - Friday night (Lan Party)
2001-07-18 - her
2001-07-17 - From the NAC
2001-07-16 - Critical & little kids
2001-07-15 - Foggy
2001-07-08 - Despair
2001-07-07 - Reporting in
2001-07-04 - Family Intervention
2001-07-02 - Canada Day
2001-07-01 - Reverse psychology
2001-06-28 - Meeting Corinna Prior
2001-06-27 - Sleep
2001-06-26 - Late night reading
2001-06-25 - D&D, and being violated
2001-06-25 - Diablo 2, depression, and too many admirers
2001-06-24 - A story clip (Shawna)
2001-06-24 - The first entry! Oh, and a bit on death.



  go back
        #$&..-## (here?)
    the eldars

we are alike, you and i
      delve into consci#%$#


Find the right way down through the maze, to the food, then find the exit. Push the exit button. If the food tastes awful, don't eat it, go back and try another way.

They want the same thing that you do, really, they want a path, just like you. You are in a maze in a maze, but which one counts? Your maze, their maze, my maze. Or are the mazes all the same, defined by the limits of their paths?

Existence is simple: find the food, push the button, hit the treadmill.

But sometimes it gets much harder. Sometimes the food makes you sick, or you can hear nearby feet racing you, urging you on. Sometimes the button only gets you landed right back in the beginning of the maze again, and the food won't satisfy.

There is only one path and that is the path that you take, but you can take more than one path.

Cross over the cell bars, find a new maze, make the maze from it's path, find the cell bars, cross over the bars, find a maze, make the maze from its path, eat the food, eat the path.



  the hard path of thought


[o..s%^^66
(k33)oee.*
your former    self destroyed


  the dreaming way is eased


down to the crushing center
and spared the dance of forever


Seven hundred and sixty one armless and legless corpses float inconspicuously around the inside of hangar ninety six. I say that they are inconspicuous because it is their arms and legs which demand my attention. I did this, or I could have stopped it. Which is it? It doesn't matter now. I did this and could have stopped it, but nothing in nature ever follows a gaussian curve. Sure, they'll tell you that it does. They say that every five minutes someone dies in a car accident, but how often are there seven hundred and sixty one armless and legless corpses in one hangar?


the way grows
    dim

hungry chaos lurks behind the
bright corona

dream ahead beyond the falling path
a billion S'pht lie yet unborn

our own death foretold

your dark mind cutting through
the deeping sky

another time
another time


I'm back in the hangar again, but now they are all screaming at me. Their arms and legs are no longer attacting my attention. It wouldn't be so bad if they were talking, but they aren't. They could talk, too. They aren't screaming in pain, but in protest. They don't miss their arms or their legs. They all agree on one thing, they won't give me the satisfaction of hearing them talk, and I'll never forget their screaming, pointless and wordless, without justification.

(I did this and could have stopped it.)


steps that falter fail

time beyond loss
loss behind the screen of life

not held
not forgotten
not lost

unlost found

stay the hard way
dark dreaming carries all


I'm getting sick of coming back to hangar ninety six, but there is no avoiding it. This is what my existence needs. My existence is the demise of many others' arms and legs. The world is not a good place, nor is there innocence for me to hide in. Seven hundred and sixty one pairs of eyes look around the room aimlessly, and mine join the crowd. I see these bodies, massacred, immobile. For all the carnage here, the stench of decay is non-existent.

I try to turn away. The hangar spins but nothing moves, and my view is the same. I look, but don't see any sanitation workers, for that matter, I haven't seen the guys in suits since they disappeared from my hallway.


"Well, there was this knife, more aptly described as a broadsword, and I see, well, I was swinging down the street on my way to a movie and this guy, yeah. He was about six foot eight and huge. He was holding this knife, only to me, I would describe it as a broadsword, something from the Knights of the Round. Before he can even open his mouth, he collapses. Meanwhile, I can barely lift a finger to put the toupee back on his glossy head because I'm shaking so much.

He was vomiting and I knew that he was alive because he kept saying something like 'durability' between convulsions. What happened next was really bizarre. Both ends of the street flood with black-suited men, just like in a movie.

These men look tough and pissed off, the eyes behind their sunglasses are probably cold as my hands are getting. I feel like my heart has stopped, I'm so damn scared. As they start to inundate the street in black, they move with one will.

I figure that I'm dead anyway, so I reach down for the blade. The blade is being covered by his vomit, but the hilt is clean. I can hear the men getting excited, but I can't stop. My fingers slide around the leather hilt which is oddly cold...


I'm in the same street, and as I reach into my pocket for my keys, my eyes follow the blackened streaks of gum that pock-mark the sidewalk. The man is gone, and someone in sanitation cleaned up the aparitions and vomit in a real hurry. I hurry down the stairs heading for the subway, but my keys aren't in my pocket anymore. I'll have to get in through the side window.

The subway station is very bright and shining from the sanitation team that has been sweeping a swath in front of me. The concrete floor is losing years of tarnish, keeping only the protective layer of the gum streaks which make up constellations in an otherwise vacant sky.

The train arrives right on time, and just ahead of a mass of dark suited men who have been following me for what seems like years now. Between the sanitation and the suits, I must be going colorblind, but the train is here now, and those men, no, they won't catch me...


I should stop talking out loud, everyone on the train is looking at me now. I must have gone farther than I wanted because everyone here is different than me. Why should they care that I'm talking, some of them are talking and about fairly irrelevant things. 'The ends justify the means.' 'Where the is no justification, there is no end. There is only means.' I thought that they were looking mean, but they were only talking.

The noise in the train crescendoes as the train comes into a station, this station is lined with black suited men, and behind them I can see the pantomime of good and evil continue with the sanitation workers trying to mop the black suits off the sunglassed and toupeed men who are not resisting at all.

Indeed, they have nothing to worry about. They can just cling to the constellations of gum, there is nothing the sanitation workers can do about that.

Its all just human nature, we don't fit onto the curve, either. Simply, there is no curve, our science is approximation, good guessing.

The suits are going to get me this time, but I'm lucky. I have my keys in my pocket now, and I'm opening the other subway door...


I step in silently, and as is the ritual, I block the door with my bicycle and set the traps on the windows. Damn no way that anyone is getting in here without adequate warning. I figure that there is time now to take a good look at this knife that has caused me so much grief and to miss the movie that I was heading for but can't remember the name of.

Its not unusual, plastic about the length of my forefinger. It has two blades that open in both directions, one is a short and the other long. The long one is pretty dull, and the short one is quite sharp. Enough about the knife.

The door opens up, and the bicycle falls over. One of these suited guys is standing in the doorway, impassive and immobile. I'm not scared until I see that the hallway behind him is filled with his clones. I turn over the handle of the knife, and give it a bit of a nasty grin...


My room is empty now, the men in the hallway are gone, replaced by the subtle odor of amonia destroying the bacterial rancidity of half eaten double helixes. On a plate on a table facing me is a simple arangement of carrots and asparagus built up like a log cabin.

A candle in the center of the round table is illuminating the edges of the cabin, a distant volcano throwing the light of nature. Around the edges of the flame is the face of a woman who is talking to me about subjects that I should know all about. For just a minute I think that the flame is a living metaphor for her soul, then I go back to thinking her one of the other manic statues, arms, legs, and mouths that move and mimic without purpose or understanding. Hundreds of bacteria eating off the sidewalk, fighting for procreation. I am disconcerted when I see her turning the knife over in her hands, checking its weight and proportions, and I tell her so.

Startled, she puts the knife back on the table to rest under the volcano which erupts in a flow of wax racing a torturous path onto the blade. One pulse of wax is followed by another as she turns the conversation towards our relationship. "Durability" is what she keeps saying. The word 'durability' and our relationship.

I reach over for the blade, and my fingers extend around the hilt. Again I am impressed by a chill. The wax comes off the blade with a simple scrape of my forefinger. "Durability" I say in response.

I feel a nervous chill run down my spine as I look up from the knife. My eye stops first on my plate, then on the wax pool which is solidifying around the edges, and finally on the face of this mysterious woman. She isn't trying too hard to look around the candle and neither am I. The candle flame makes a perfect line between the center of both of our heads. I laugh at the geometry of the moment, and thinking that I am laughing at her rhetorical comment she giggles in response.


I am getting nervous because her voice is carrying some emotional baggage with it, now. "Ever since you bought me that chewing gum, on a lark, I've been in love with you."

Sure, my response might have seemed a little cryptic, "If there is no justice, then how can the ends justify the means? Take that wax, for example, (I've started to ramble on now just like on the subway, and she is looking at me with that same look of hostility, bordering on the old familiar meaningless uncommunicative scream) when the candle was lit, did it know that in the end it was going to burn down to nothing and disappear into the air? You lit the candle to get the light from it. Your end was to have my asparagus and carrot cabin lit by this light. You used the candle as a means to obtain this. Does the light justify the destruction of the candle? What is justification to a piece of wax? Its the same as the justification that you've given me about this 'durability' and our relationship."


By this time, she had moved her face out of the line that the candle and the centers of our heads made, and she was looking down the aisle of a movie theater. This is an odd fact because she never sits in the aisle seat when we go to the movies. Her head falls to the other side, landing on my shoulder. Her disinterest in the movie becomes apparent when she begins to discuss our relationship in a loud whisper

I'm just as nice to my girl as the next guy, but I'm a little bored by now of all this talk, so I start to look around the theater without moving my shoulder too much. The back of the head in front of me reminds me of the guy from the street, the one who made me miss the earlier show of this movie. Only now, he's wearing a pair of sunglasses, and he's got his toupee back on.

I look behind me, and so it seems that the guy in front of me is the vanguard of sunglassed movie goers who all seem very interested in whispering and looking around. They remind me of a field of black tulips flickering back and forth in a howling wind. Their whispering picks up intensity, blurring out both their own speach and the voices in the film, until all at once my girlfriend mentions her ongoing rant-word 'durability'. "What is it with you and durability," the theater goes quite with the last sylable of the word.


Well, I'm a little bit nervious again; it's time to leave. I'm sure that the movie isn't over. Everyone in the room starts to mimic my behavior, all the suits reach for their stuff at the same time that I do. Only my girlfriend seems unperturbed.

I wonder how far this will go, so I reach under my seat, find a piece of gum, and drop it under my tongue. Mind you that this gum was under the seat for countless generations of movie fans. Sure enough, all these suits have done the same thing and are chewing on their own hardened bits of gum arabic. I almost start to laugh when they all simulataneously hurl up their masticulons covering them almost immediately with their black vinyl shoes which as impossible as it would seem, flatten the ageless gum into smears which will never be removed from this already gum-smeared floor.

It doesn't seem so funny, now, because I notice that the pattern that the gum makes on the floor is in the shape of the summer constellations, and that each suit sits on a pulsar pounding out its vibrant message across the lightyears and across the theater to my head: "Durability." I wish my girlfriend would know when to keep her mouth shut.

The dialog in the movie seems unimportant, and I decide that its time to leave. I tell her so, but she doesn't seem to hear me. Her mouth is chomping wildly on some gum, and between masticulations, she begins to tell me again about 'durability'. I lean back and slide my hand into my pocket, feeling for the knife.


"Nice knife," repeats some snot nosed little brat.

I look into his face, and he sniffles. Those eyes look like a cat's eyes holding either universal understanding or nothing, whichever I decide. Right now his eyes hold nothing. We dance the double helix and make way for a sanitation worker pushing a wheeled bucket with his mop to the place where some other snot-nosed little brat recently used another brat's fist to exchange his running boogers for blood that spread in splatters and smudges over his hands and the floor.

The bloody boy and his one-fisted compadre had already been removed for corrective discipline by one of the controllers, our life-long friends wearing sunglasses. Here at school, they only seemed interested in bleeding noses, broken arms, measles, and sharp thrown objects. Otherwise, they remained impassive statues with feet grown into the anaesceptic environment in which they stood, needing as little attention as a plain white column in an all white room

It seems odd to me now looking back at them, or looking at them again at any rate, that they only reacted to our feces, blood and agony. Responsive only to distress, anger or misbehavior. But this was explained to me that day, even though I didn't understand it until now.

Am I surprised when the sanitation guy teaching that day turned his narrow slanted eyes in my direction and says what I've been hearing from the stars for years it seems, 'durability'. He mentions discipline and art, discipline is that which lets us practice our art. Durability of our abilities and disipline of our skills. We must need learn how to reproduce what we do and how we do it. He explains that the artist is more free to act when discipline has taught him his skills and limitations.



~old
~imes
my old Pthia, lost, vacant, doubt
chaos, overpowering, underwhelming

two forces in balance
ancient endless balance
then nothing



Things have gone terribly awry. Until now, I thought myself immortal, but now I know that is not true. There are things that can destroy me with the ease that I slaughtered the Pfhor naval garrison and the Western Arm of their Battle Group Seven. But in their final gasp they used a weapon that I thought they had retired, even Tycho tried to keep them from using it.

Now I fear what that weapon has unleashed will destroy us. I once boasted to be able to count the atoms in a cloud, to understand them all, predict them, and so did I predict you, but this new chaos is entirely terrible, mindless, obeying rules that I don't comprehend. And it is hungry.

It's too bad, perhaps if I could have delayed the Pfhor from using their weapon, I could have sent you to explore the ruins of Lh'owon, perhaps what you found would give us the answers that we now need so desparately: how to stop this chaos, the purpose of the station on which you're currently standing, and why the chaos hasn't come here yet.

But with each moment the chaos grows, I am doomed to die here, after so many triumphs. I have detected one ship nearby, which I can only guess is being commanded by Tycho. The Pfhor have entered the station, and if you can find a way onto their ship, you may be able to escape. To escape. To escape.



I am Arther Frain, Chief Petty Officer, USEC Marathon.
Arther Frane calling all USEC personnel
Calling Cmdr. Robert Blake...
Calling Security Chief Jones...
Arther Frain calling any USEC controlled ship in vicinity...

Station hull breached, we are losing pressurization. More than half the men are without vacuum suits. Patrols reporting intruder, last location unknown.

Any USEC controlled ship surviving nova event, transport when ready.

Arther Frain calling.
Please respond... please...
That is all..



The trih xeem broke against my dying vessel and smashed a fine patina across the mystery shields of this station. My crew battled the aliens during the blast, and thesilence which came after was sullen and deafening--the pure silence of victory.

But the trackless whisper chattering through the hollow space in these cursed walls buzzes and threatens madness. The abomination cracked the shells of my crew and sucked the husks, tossing them unseen and shattering the spindle like a dried creche.

The shields are gone, not down, but gone, and so are the engineers. It's coming back, I'm sure: and my last mercy is immolation.

Great Mother crouched behind the Throne, I make this wrong right.

CONNECTION TERMINATED