in a heartbeat (1473) 2006-09-23 ( Enter your search terms Submit search form Web murk.diaryland.com

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This night, like many before it, marks a change in the direction of my life. Tomorrow's my last day on my contract at work. Fall is here. Things have changed between me and Em: I feel welling anger that's finally overcome my craving for her. I love her, I do, but she just doesn't want what I want.

It's not the first time.

I was thinking today about how deeply and absolutely I love Kat. My heart beats with hers in some ways that I find hard to explain. My chest aches for her so badly sometimes that I forget there's been more than a year since we broke up.

I figured out that I need 50% of a relationship to go by before I'm functionally over someone.

If those from my past want me, I am sure they will find me. As for my future, I will find them.

I remember, one sea change in my life from early 2005 was seeing a friend of mine dancing drunk. It inspired such pity and revulsion that I completely re-evaluated how I felt about drinking and about university.

I still have Kelly's number in my wallet. I still think of her sometimes.