Plan of Action (1114) 2005-04-11 ( Enter your search terms Submit search form Web murk.diaryland.com

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All right. Tomorrow, I start my chiro essay. I also have to go to the registrar's office and get out of that class before it really is too late (it might already be). Hopefully, I'll finish at least the first part of my essay by tuesday. Then the second on wednesday, the third on thursday, and the whole thing on friday. Then I can study Friday night for my exam Saturday morning.

After that exam I can learn two chapters of calculus a day, so I'll have mastered it all by 5pm, April 20th.

After that exam, I need to write one essay the first day and one the next day. Then I study the night before my exam.

Finally I study for Psych over the next three days and ace it.

I'm not sure I can do it, but I have to try. No video games until I'm at least done my calculus exams. I'm nervous a bit, and that's a good thing.

I've gone through too many deadlines feeling nothing more than sadness. I'm sick of self-pity.

I think pinupandgun misunderstood what I meant when I drove her friend from Al's house. When I said I'm tired of where I am, I meant I'm tired of the self-pity.

I want to leave all this melodrama behind and not look back. It's hard. I like clinging to the past, I like being dismal, I like remembering. I can't do that anymore though. I can't live in this mired depression anymore.

It's poison.

I'm having trouble interpreting myself. Theoretically, I can be whatever the fuck I want. But practically, I follow patterns. Maybe that's what it is: people follow patterns.

Honestly, I want the type of life where I can write about interesting things in here. I want people to be surprised, to think, to smile, to be impressed, to be interested.

And here are trees, and I know their gnarled surface, water and I feel its taste. These scents of grass and stars at night, certain evenings when the heart relaxes - how shall I negate this world whose power and strength I feel? -"Area Man at Dawn with Ax"

I feel the melodrama in my blood and my regrets calcified in my bones. I think I know how to excise these sins.

The relationships and secrets that make up a life aren't really good material for a public diary - too many innocent bystanders.

Rumours and secrets are, I must admit, completely tantalizing to me. Offer me good conversation and personal information and I'm yours.

This'll be an interesting two weeks. Four exams, three papers. Let's see if I can get out of this mess.

Wish me luck, kids.